The Note

*A handwritten note is scrawled upon a a piece of parchment that looks like it has been in a pocket for far too long. The handwriting makes an attempt at being fluid and looks as though it could have been rather elegant, if it had not been for the fact that the writer seemed to be in a terrible hurry, duress, or both.*

I am not sure if this will reach anyone it is meant for. Before I get off the shuttle I will scan it into my datapad and send it to my private files, so that when I am gone it will be found. It is just that it seemed unfitting for me to unceremoniously type this. I'd rather put a real pen to paper, one last time.

To all those who have come to care about me during my time as a capsuleer, and those who have now come to despise me, I believe I owe you an explanation. I am sure that once everything is said and done with you will either have heard much about what I have done, or very little. But I have neither the time nor the desire to recount the exact events that led me to this fate; I am sure that there will be others to tell the story. What I do intend is to tell why I have done what I have done, and how much I now regret my blindness. And to say goodbye.

I know this might be difficult to understand for many, but I carried out this act with the best of intentions. Since the first moment I saw Amaterasu, I knew what she represented: a failure of the Empire. A failure of the thing that I had dedicated my life to protect and help, and a failure so great I could scarcely bare to look her in the eye. I wanted to help her, yet also felt as though I had no right to be anywhere near her. When she fell to piracy she then became a failure of even those that cared for her. I thought that Izanami could have corrected those mistakes. I thought she could redeem my people of the sins they had committed against her, and redeem Amaterasu herself of carrying on the cycle of cruelty upon helpless spacefarers. To provide the girl with guidance, hope, understanding, and even something resembling a family; one rooted in peace rather than the blood-stained embrace the Ghosts gave her. But of course, I was wrong.

I must say that Reimei's revelation, while utterly crushing, was not entirely surprising. There were too many signs for me to count, and I ignored them willingly in my desire to believe that Izanami truly was what I fell in love with. There is no anger towards her that can break through the terror and despair I feel right now, nor any hatred that can match what is directed towards myself. I was a fool for believing. I always have been, I can see that now. I can only ask myself why I gave in to the one woman who could destroy me so. But I cannot dwell upon fate's cruelty to me, I have dealt a much worse one to Amaterasu. For this, I am profoundly sorry.

As I look at Reimei's cold, stony face, I know that my punishment is near at hand, and I accept it. I almost welcome it.

I will surely not live through what he has in store for me, and even if I do, the world will not have to deign tolerating my existence any longer. Thus I owe some final words to the few who still might take pity on me. I pray that God grant me the strength to write at least this.

To Hitome,
Words still cannot express the shame I feel when I recount how I have treated you. What was done in the Ordo still seems to carry on. To think that I rejected your pure and honest love time and time again, while I submitted to the very harlot who has orchestrated my downfall, pains me to no end. But I partly could not help this. Except for that brief time when it nearly drove me to hateful madness, I could not return your feelings. I cannot forgive myself for that. And yet I love you with all my heart, more profoundly than you can know. You are my sister, forever and always, and I only wanted the best for you. I am just sorry I could not provide it.

To Math'ra,
Your sour glare and biting words always made me grin inside. They were the marks of a true brother, one who wishes for his sibling to grow and and be good. Despite what we both were, I never felt any animosity towards you, and nothing but trust and fellowship. You are the best thing to come to the Ordo in a long time, and I know you will be able to carry it far, should you choose. I pray for your safety.

To Leopold,
A year in the Ordo together sounds like a mere blip of time, and yet I feel as though we have been friends for an eternity. You were my mentor and guide when I was fresh in these hellish stars, and my closest ally after. And yet in the final days I am not sure what happened. We grew apart, and I no longer knew what your thoughts were. Nor did you know mine. I was not sure why you left the Ordo, and I am completely baffled as to why you too joined the Ghosts. And yet strangely, even after you destroyed the House, I keep my faith in you. I can only imagine what you must feel for me now that I have so betrayed one of your new kin for an Empire that you have lost faith in. Regret. Disappointment. Contempt? I know not any longer.

To Morwen,
You of all of these people must now think the least of me. And yet I realize that like Leopold, I no longer know you. I thought with such certainty that you were not like other capsuleers, and that you could resist the temptation to use yourself as a weapon, like Aurora had. And yet I found you flying with the Ghosts as well, chasing my brethren from our objectives even before you had joined them properly. However, even after that, I still could only think of you as that smiling, vulnerable, sweet-hearted girl I had come to known. Our cultures and our busy lives kept us apart, yet every time I saw you I was washed over with warmth and a gladness that I knew you. I am sorry it came to this. I do not expect you to understand, or to take pity on me. All I ask is that you do not hate me forever.

And to my dearest Mitara,
It all has ended before it could even begin. Perhaps I truly was right to take that oath; this way I will just fade from your memory, as I should. My past was a burden I did not want to pass to you, and its weight has proven too great for me as well. You too probably will think less of me once all is known, but I want you to know one thing: you are the one human being who remains perfect in my eyes. Your strength, your beauty, and your tenderness I will always know. I go to the grave with that vision of you, and it is my only solace now.


Farewell.