Entry One: Betrayer

*Neatly tucked into the inside cover of a leather-bound book is a printed copy of the death note, folded several times so that it is only a small square. Beyond it on the book's first page begins Aldrith's journal. The first entry is written in plain print rather than the flowing cursive he usually writes in, but the letters are jagged and inconsistent, looking as though they were penned in anger and with one's off-hand. A single drop of blood has fallen on the upper-right corner, which has been hastily blotted out to the best of the writer's ability.*

So I yet live.

Not only can I not live with honor, I cannot die with it either. Instead they scanned my being back to Amarr, while they kept my ruined body to burn for their amusement. But of course they could not just leave it at that; when I woke some hours later I found that my clones had been tampered with. Written into the genetic code is a mark, the character for 'betrayer' in my people's old tongue, done in some kind of sick mockery of the symbol I had made for Amaterasu. I bear it on my right hand now, as well as on the insides of my eyelids so that only when I am in the dark can I not be reminded of my mistake.

As I crawled out of the vat I very nearly clawed my own eyes out at the discovery, but I restrained my grief and guilt for the moment when I would fulfil my promise to Math'ra. So I readied myself and went to the Basilica. And yet, even as I held the blade over my chest, and even as I let all of the reasons and emotions that cried for the act to flood my mind, I did not plunge the dagger into my heart. Instead I drove it through that accursed mark on my hand.

At first I did not know why I had done it; I thought perhaps I was a coward and had lost my nerve. But a rush of purposeful rage had replaced everything that had been in my heart just before. The pirates had not spared me, God had. The blame for all of this is not upon my shoulders, it is upon that wretched harpy's, and if I am not still alive to redeem myself, I am alive to find retribution. I refuse to be known forever for the mark those ignorant curs gave me, and I refuse to allow them the satisfaction of finding Izanami first. I want her to be tried under Imperial law, suffer Imperial punishment, and be made an example of how we are able to take care of our own mars upon the cluster. Or, failing that, I want to strangle the life out of her myself.

And yet I know those desire can only be fulfilled through a monumental effort to find her. Even if it is possible I will be racing against Reimei and his allies, and I am certain that if we cross paths again they will not think twice about ending my life permanently. I haven't the slightest idea where to start, but as I calm clarity will return.

I will be absolved.